The Beacon: my editorial 2011.12

Editor: Bullies

I wasn’t going to write about bullying. I am up to here with this subject. Give me something else to think about, please. But….it’s still there.

Two junior high BFFs, brainy teacher’s pets at the top of the class, both freckled, both science and music geeks. My daughter, now in her 20s, tells me that she was bullied by the blond soccer star and I never knew it real time. Her BFF was bullied too but we knew about it because she complained and was miserable. There were no suicides. The annoyance never got physical and did not continue into 10th grade. No one shot anyone.

Bullying is common. Bullying is natural. Bullies are famous. When you are weak, sometimes hurting someone else makes you feel strong. We know that bullies are not happy campers. They may be beaten, harassed, or neglected at home. They may have no supportive relationships. They may be full of self hatred. They may be unloved. Some people choose misery. Cutters, bullies. Are they looking for confirmation of existence? I inflict pain therefore I am?

Google “Character Ed Word of the Month” and wait 0.34 seconds. You get 425,000,000 hits. If our children write a story or sing a song about the Word of the Month, can they learn Fairness, Honesty, or Kindness if the adults around them do not model those qualities? If a child gets cruel treatment at home or at school for being some adult’s idea of annoying, it’s not easy to become an upstanding citizen. My mother smoked and Dad told me you were allowed to go 5 miles/hour over the speed limit when we caught him speeding. I know for sure 3 of the 4 kids in my family smoked at some time. It just doesn’t work to tell kids to do as I say with a cigarette in your mouth and we cannot be surprised to find we’ve raised a bully if we are bullies ourselves.

Sometimes the worst part of bullying is the sure knowledge that adults see it and can’t be bothered to do anything about it. Any anti-bullying program must include training for the adults around our children. All the adults in a school building need to be involved. The fashionable jargon is the concept of a building culture. A school building is a society and its culture includes norms of behavior and attitude that affect all members. It is hard but not impossible to make school a safe and nurturing place both for bullies and for their victims.

New York State has mandated that all public schools put in place programs that address diversity tolerance. PTA members need to be involved in the development of these programs and are ideally positioned to weigh in on the need to involve teachers and parents as well as kids.

Be the advocates for the children in your world. Be the PTA.

Anne Ehrlich
Editor, The Beacon
WRPTA Treasurer